Relationships...

"People can move from being strangers; to knowing each other, to friends, to best of friends, to strangers"
The saddest thing i have seen happen to me in relationships is losing a friend because of the choice i made. Its weird how we can be best of buddies and years...months or days later, we can never have a 3minutes conversation without sensing the tension between us increasing and our thoughts creating the next question to ask. "We used to be friends, we could speak about everything and anything without having to rehearse it!we used to share a laugh, we would burst out laughing and both know what we are laughing about without saying a word. What happened!?" Those are some of the questions i ask myself. That's how relationships can end. One friend of mine once said... "In relationships, people will always differ, its how you solve the differences that will determine the future of that relationship"- Gugu Kwinda. People will always differ; not agree on the same things; will hurt each other, the question is, how will you handle conflicts when they come and keeping in mind that whatever choice you decide on how to handle the conflict, will determine the future of your relationship.
 I value relationships. I am the type who would invest her time in a relationship. If i meet you and get along with you right away, i will give our relationship special attention as i give my 10 year old relationship. Love does not keep score, it does not matter how many times i called you, if i want to call you for the sixth time, i will call you. ;-)


I have observed ten year old relationships getting ruined by silly arguments. How one fails to sacrifice and say sorry to save the relationship. I have observed how people have lied in my face and said they are no more friends with whoevever because they just outgrew each other, not realising they failed to keep the communication going and one chose to not invest time anymore. I have observed how people have (i will say it like my father says it) "cheapified" the word friend and how people would lie just to please the next person.

As i continued to observe, i have seen how relationships ended because i did not make you my maid of honour or bridesmaid. How relationships ended because you found out about my engagement through another friend and not me. I have observed relationships ending because i got married and you are still single, because i became a mother and you know nothing about being a mother so we cant be friends.

Relationships will always go through downs, they will go through conflicts and you as the other party in that relationship, you will have to stand and go through those tense uncomfortable conversations that no one likes going through, you will have to sacrifice and ask for forgiveness to save it.

I have lost great friendships, friendships i valued so much and have left a gap in my life. Friendships where life happened, differences came and one decided not to make an effort to rebuild it. I have lost best friendships simply because of the choices i made and the consequences are still hard to swallow as it cost me a friend.

I truly believe it takes everyone in that relationship to make it work, to invest time and have intimate fellowship. To be transparent and communicate. "it does not matter what the next person does, the question is, what did you do to make the situation worse or better?"

"Love is alive when it has patience ... dying when it is hurried ... dead when it cannot wait.
--> Love is alive when it cares ... dying when it forgets ... dead when it ignores. --> Love is alive when it is secure ... dying when it starts doubting ... dead when it stops trusting. --> Love is alive when it is giving ... dying when it begins to exchange ... dead when it is taking. -John Maxwell"
I have made choices that i am not proud of, that have cost me great relationships. I also have cut relationships that were toxic and unhealthy. One will have to make such choices at some point in their lives. For now, value every relationship you have, invest your time and create memories.

To those who are still in a relationship with me, do know its not by default, its been planned from above. Let our relationship give true meaning to love and intimate fellowship, and even 20 years from now, when life has happened, priorities changed and we have stopped intentionally making time for each other, i know i will hear your name and i will smile and say " That's my friend; my lover; my njuz". And when i have stopped calling, sending a text message, writing you a letter, singing about you and investing time in you, i hope you will take your time, to check up on me. Love keeps no score, there's no 50/50 in healthy relationships, we all sacrifice 100%. I never believed in 50/50 anyways! :-)

This is to all my loved ones who life happened and i knew our relationship will never be the same again. I will never stop loving you  Thibe Pooe; Lavani Nemakonde and Lerato Nhlapo. 


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Comments

  1. I decided to read your post today! Must say its great to read! Relationships are a place to give, the moment you start thinking how much you are not receing back that's when the giving stops doesnt it?? God gives unreservedly and I guess that's how we ought to be also....It is more blessed to give than to receive! But aint it so tiring to just give, give, and give?? Guess its all in the fact that you are blessed with the abundance of love! Talking hubbahubba nonsense! Great read anyway! Take care nana

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  2. Like a helpless individual lying flat on his back at the mercy of the paramedics performing CPR, I too felt a sense of re-awakening of some sort as I read this blog, your words were the air my ears unconsciously desired to inhale.
    Your honest and transparent ability to wear-your-heart on your sleeve depicts your unwavering sincerity when it comes to issues of vital importance that you hold dearly to your heart. And relationships are certainly one of them. We cannot function in isolation therefore we do need each other- it’s the basis of our Christian faith, “No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends” and ofcause our cultural practise of Ubuntu. In all honesty, we cannot alter the past but what we can certainly do is learn from it, in order to ensure our good experiences shine a bright light through our insecurities and fears and similarly and exposes our bad experiences as mere blind-spots that we need to be aware of as they keep us in check in our road to building and maintaining relationships.

    I appreciate you greatly!

    Muchluv...
    _RMP

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