Boundaries...A journey to your happily ever after

I visited home 4 months after my wedding and made it a point to visit the people I did life with, including some of the mamas from my previous home cell. I remember one of them asked how my father in law was, and I responded “He is fine. I haven’t seen him for like 2 months but he is well.” Confused, she responded “You need to spend time with him. That’s one of your roles as a married woman, to add value into his family. Buy groceries for them every month, do stuff your husband never did so they see they have gained a gem.” I dismissively agreed.
So here is my view, each couple has their way of doing things that works for them, however, we seem to think there is a pattern couples must follow, a prototype we have hidden under the word “culture”. Two weeks ago, this came up in a different scenario. One guy said that he prefers his wife to spend more time with his family than her spending time with her maiden family. After all, she is married, “I paid lobola and therefore, she has moved …

How Does It Feel To Be YOU Today?

Think about it for a moment, how it really feels to be you today. Firstly, I don’t think you can get to know how you really feel today, when you don’t know how you felt 3, 5 or 10 years ago.
I was watching a TV programme when the host asked this question. It was a thought-provoking question that left me desiring to reflect on it. As I took time to explore this question, it was frightening to realise how most people don’t pay attention to themselves. “Self-awareness is the rarest trait human beings have.” I have met people who have gone through most years of their lives ‘absent’ from it.
A fact is, things happen in life that you learn the skill to switch off. You switch off to protect yourself; or at times it is to escape from the current reality you are in or, the past that you want to forget. Before you know it, it is as if you get awakened, and you can’t even recognise yourself. You can’t afford to lose yourself!
Secondly, as you reflect and answer this question, try to strip of…

Myths about marriage

Two weeks ago I celebrated my third year in marriage, all by God’s grace. As I reflected on my marriage, I began to separate what is the truth about marriage, and what is not. I’ve always been observant of my life and my marriage, but last year was an eye opener for me as I got to observe different marriages and how some people view marriage.
It was also evident that the devil is fighting so hard to ensure that marriages are viewed undesirably. More and more people start to lose hope in the union of marriage.
In my 3 years in marriage, I have also come to realise the lies we've believed that are not even close to the truth. 

You stay the same
Change is inevitable. Nothing stays the same. As you grow old and mature, you will notice that even your taste in things changes. Why then, are you expecting your spouse to stay the same person you married?
There are situations that will happen in your marriage/life that will change your view on life such as the loss of a loved one, an accide…

7 things I am grateful for in 2017

The year is a few days from being over but it’s not over yet! God can still do something in your life, after all, He is The God of suddenly.
For B and I we started the year with plans to move from Durban. We felt Durban was not working for our careers and passions and really believed that JHB is the place we need to be to grow in our passions and networks. (I know, you probably think I convinced him to move to JHB! Not even close). I wanted us to move to Cape Town. A new city for the both of us to explore together. We would have only each other but he felt JHB is the place for us and I didn’t mind at all. After all, JHB will always be home for me. 😊
Fast forward to end of the year and we are still in Durban. What happened? Well, the 8 years of me being saved and have been through trials and tribulations, I knew that we can plan and have desires, but God’s plan will prevail in our lives. In fact, I wouldn’t want our plans to overtake His. Our lives took a different turn. As much as…

When you are not your best friend's best friend

As much as this can be funny, it is a heartbreaking fact for the one who considers you their best friend when you don’t. How do friendships get to this point? When your best friend doesn’t see you as his/her best friend? If I’m your best friend, it makes sense for you to be my best friend, right!!! Well wrong!!!
I always wondered why my mom (and many other adults I know) don’t have a lot of friends. As we grow, it’s hard to keep friends, let alone make friends. We see those we used to call friends grow apart with us as we follow different life paths. I have heard someone say, “Consider yourself favoured if you ever have 3 best friends in your lifetime”. Change is constant. As we grow we realize that our priorities change and our different journeys make it hard to relate.
The study argues that the reason we start to lose friends is because people spend their younger years experimenting, meeting lots of different people in adolescence before settling down with closer friends as they reac…

An open letter to my 30 year old self

Dear Temo,
It has been a crazy ride these past 10 years. Some were the hardest rides and some the most joyful rides ever! On Tuesday, you turned 30. You did well by taking a day off from work so you can celebrate your day the way you want to, with one of your favourite humans in this world. Your birthday month took you on an emotional rollercoaster with anxiety clouding your mind, but I am glad you could shake that off and focus on what’s real.
You need to know you have done well for a 30-year-old. Life is not fair, you can do your best to plan the best future for yourself but sometimes it doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it to turn out. That’s the unfairness of life.
The past 10 years made you re-realise your passion for writing, reading and being an influential person. It’s great to see you consistently working on your passions as they shape your purpose. But, you must agree that it has not been easy. That’s the best part about growing up. You realise what works for you and wh…

Why would you want to get married?

No! I’m not having marital issues and no I’m also not bitter! But why would You want to marry??? Why marriage???
B and I sometimes wonder what the best age to get married in is. I don’t think I would have managed getting married at 23. I didn’t know myself and would have lost my identity in marriage. On the other hand, getting married at the age I got married in, I was set in my ways. So was B. We were happy with how we did life and it was a challenge to adjust to starting our own culture as a couple.

Is there a right age to marry? I don’t think so. The truth is, marriage is for the matured and the forgivers. Not in any way am I assuming the immature are the ones who will not marry, what I mean is, it takes maturity and forgiveness to go through the marriage journey. Another thing is, it’s good to equip yourself with listening to marriage sermons and reading books about marriage before you marry but, I tell you this much, that contributes only 10 % towards your marriage. Nothing can prep…