Letter to my 16year old self
Hi dearest Temogo, I have known you all your life and now at 26 years, I believe in you and looking forward to sharing the truth with you now so life does not leave you brain damaged and have your family writing to Khumbulekhaya for your whereabouts, only to be found locked up in a tavern at some informal settlement.
Temogo, you are so beautiful when you smile, you really are worth it. I know you have not kissed a guy as yet and you sometimes think there’s something wrong with you because you do not have a boyfriend or cannot even keep one for a month. It’s okay, there is nothing wrong with you. We are all wired differently and something’s are truly not for you to experience. Make peace with this now before it breaks you. From a young age, you have never compromised and it cannot start now. You know who you are and that is enough. Embrace who you are instead of being who the guy wants you to be just for the sake of being in a relationship. They want fun and you desire special moments to be fun. You are not stuck up and do not need to loosen up for anyone. You are perfect the way you are. Do know this Temo, in relationships, never lose your individuality. The day you know how to be in a relationship with a guy and still be able to make time for your other relationships, know you are in the right track.
As you grow, there will come a time where you feel you have met the one. In fact many instances will come where you believe you have met your match from heaven, yet it hurts to even keep up with this person but you are holding on because you love him. Love is not supposed to hurt. He might have been the one for a season but not for a lifetime. Learn to let go when it is time to let go, yes it will hurt but it is better you find your way on a path to restoration than be in a toxic relationship, trying to mend something that ended a long time ago. Follow your dreams and not your crushes.
Friends decrease in your life as you grow older, you find your siblings being your friends and your spouse amongst three other people who are friends. Its fine, life has transitions and people outgrow each other. What you had in common with a high school friend might not be what you still have your best interest in now. Learn not to create enemies but move on softly, allowing others to do the same too. We are all in our different lanes, we write exams alone, we are interviewed alone in job interviews, and we graduate alone. Respect other people’s choices and allow them to go through their life experiences. It is wiser to move on now than later.
Temo, every choice you make has a consequence. Never make a career choice based on what seems professional to the older generation. It’s okay if you have not decided what you would like to study at 16years. Focus on what you love doing. You take your leadership feature lightly that you have hidden behind people making decisions for you. Take ownership of your decisions. Yes you love to plan things and are the initiator amongst your friends… that is something to be proud of! Stop envying other people, you look like the moon being jealous of the stars. Be on your lane. Education is important but it does not make you a better person. Choose wisely. Right now you are caught up on being a doctor; air hostess; or air traffic controller. If you take time to discover yourself, you will realise how much you hate those professions. Take your time and make your own career decisions, rather be happy and content than be wealthy yet unhappy.
I know how much you hate your menstrual cycle, the fact you don’t know when it comes, embarrasses you. You feel less of a woman because you do not understand the 15days/18days/21days stupid counts. That should be less of your troubles, there will come a point where you are excited and happy to know that you have a womb and it will come to good use one day.
I forgot to mention this to you when I spoke of choices, degree qualification does not guarantee you a job, and a job does not define success. I am not crushing your dreams of studying further, but success is not measured by the materialistic things you have. You are going to have a job and work with the biggest world shakers of your industry. You will then realise that as much as money can make the world go round, it will not make one successful if it is misused selfishly. It’s good to further your studies, but never mistaken it for a guaranteed job. You will be shocked how people get jobs, connections work wonders, promiscuity also plays a part in others getting jobs and yes the unfortunate part is still the colour of your skin. Some instances you will be considered because of your skin, so they can have a balance in the company when they hire you. It has nothing to do with them believing in you. At some instances, you will not be considered because of the colour of your skin. Most times, you will fairly be considered because of your determination and believe in who you are. When you do have the thing that makes people go crazy (job), never feel proud, arrogant or a doormat but always be grateful. More than anything, know you have so much to offer as an individual, take the limits off and never feel you have arrived. We never arrive.
Also take time to appreciate your country and what your leaders did. Never take that lightly. Take time to look around the world, you will learn to be more grateful to be in South Africa than to be a citizen at another country.
Be grateful to God for always holding out His hand to pull you out of the mess you threw yourself in. God loves you so much! I know it seems so untrue because all the guys you liked didn’t like you back and so forth but if you knew what God continued to trade on your behalf just to have you back, you will realise how much He really loves you. You could have died when you stepped in a car with a drunk driver, you could have been abducted when you got into a car with a stranger who offered to drop you home after work in desperation for transport. Maybe you could have been a drug addict, a murderer or many others if you were exposed to such. The world could have swallowed you alive a long time ago! The only issue you might have is partying and alcohol. That phase will come and go. Never be judgemental when you see others struggling with so much more than you did, be grateful you were shown mercy before even losing an eye.
If I had to tell you that you are called to be the teacher of the word of God, you will laugh so hard your stomach would hurt so let’s pretend I said nothing. Continue valuing God, and be sensitive to His ways. You are going to make a great teacher, a great communicator, a fun mother and a loving and supportive wife. Sex is very sacred and it is blessed when it is enjoyed after marriage. You do not want every man knowing how you look naked, know your worth. The world will give you 90day rules, stick to what the word of God says for it never goes out of fashion. Sex has never made a relationship last or made a man stay with you. Respect your body.
Temogo, you are beautiful, have the best features and are very worth it. Be a blessing to others and love God. Love yourself, forgive, and know you are uniquely worth it!
PS: Start saving now! There will be a store called Forever New that you will love so much, those savings will come in handy. ;)