When all fails, you will be judged on Character- sad tale on Oscar Pistorius

I am probably one of the many who are glued to the Oscar Pistorius trial through every media channel reporting on this case. It’s an emotional trial which I’m not sure the trial should be broadcasted on television, but my heart goes out to both families, Reeva’s and Oscar’s.

I can’t imagine how it may be for Reeva’s loved ones. First they have to deal with the tragic loss of their daughter, and now being in court everyday wanting justice. They probably have so many questions to ask but not even the questions are enough to bring her back. It was the two of them in the estate, and only the late Reeva and Oscar know really what went down in the early morning of Valentine’s Day 2013.

The morning news on the 14^th of February 2013, news that Oscar shot his girlfriend, weren’t as shocking to me. I remembered how he retaliated at the 2012 Paralympics game when he refused to take the loss with his lose chin up. He threw a tantrum and came up with every lame excuse why Oliveria should not have won. His anger showed up when he got so angry for not winning the race. No one behaves that way unless you have stored anger emotions and in such instances the stored emotions turn to show up. It’s sad what anger can make one do when it has been left uncontrolled for a while. There’s always a root to why Oscar has anger issues (judging from what friends and his ex-girlfriend have testified). Even though anger or fear (as he believes an intruder was in his home) might have made him shoot his beloved girlfriend, it’s devastating to go through this.

 

I’m convinced that anger made him kill her, basing my opinion on his character. Character is my deal breaker. You cannot fake character, yet it takes being around a person for a while or following them to get to know their character. When you meet someone for the first time, “the most observable is their looks; how they talk; their capacity to think strategically and how you act is the least priorities in visuals. The most important is the how the person acts, followed by how they think, if they can still think on their feet under pressure, how they talk and their looks are the least important.” A person’s character becomes the most important trait than their looks. Oscar Pistorius is judged on character, for character shows up in unfavourable circumstances.

Oscar Pistorius character:

·         He once cheated:

Oscar cheated on his ex-girlfriend with Reeva. Someone who does not have the guts to break up with someone to be able to move on with their life, is someone who only thinks of themselves. It was about him getting the next hot girl, while the ex-girlfriend is left wondering what is wrong with her that a man might cheat on him. Such rejection and people walking out of people’s life in such a manner makes the one rejected question their self-esteem and if they aren’t good enough. Oscar chose to be a good boy and lose his integrity rather than man up and confront her ex of his new ventures. A man who cheats is a man who does not respect himself, therefore if he does not respect himself, how will he even have respect for others who have nothing to offer to him.

·         His power obsession made him a gun fanatic:

His ex-girlfriend testified that Oscar carried a gun everywhere. Someone who carries a gun everywhere and arrogantly shows it off is someone who has power issues. They can’t handle power, they are obsessed with power and being seen as powerful a figure. Oscar is a well-known world champion Paralympic athlete, why would he still hunger for power? Because he saw what power does, power makes people worship you. Carrying a gun gives you authority to which arrogance grows within you and shows up every time someone questions you or confronts you as you feel you are being attacked when someone is not agreeing with you.

·         He is arrogant:

There’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance. Those two are often confused. Oscar has shown some signs of arrogance. The same guy who lost a race and retaliated shouting at the winner for winning, that’s a red flag of an emotion expressed wrong and has nothing to do with confidence. The documentaries that are shown of Oscar, many mention he was a humble boy while growing up, that can be true but remember he doesn’t have two legs like everyone and growing up being the odd one out with children who can be rude can make one shy and quiet. I believe arrogance might have stemmed from when he got the blades and being part of the Paralympics. It shows he always wished to be normal and if he got that chance, at least he will be “The Man” everyone speaks of.

·         Signs of bitterness

Oscar loved his mother and unfortunately at age 15, his mother passed on. A teenage boy had lost his biggest cheerleader, his number 1 supporter and the one who made him feel better after being bullied.  His mother also had introduced him to God. He mentioned after his mother’s death, he started doubting God. He probably blamed himself as well for his parents’ divorce. These signs and more can lead to a child’s esteem being affected. When a parent has been your biggest cheerleader, it’s very hard to find someone who will fill that void. Oscar had to go through the remaining teenage years dealing with the loss of his mother and trying to gain confidence without the one who kept him sane. Bitterness is described as a root, therefore it has the potential to grow over the years if it not dealt with. Oscar was probably bitter with God for his mother’s death,  or bitter with his mother for leaving him when he needed him most.

·         Reeva’s confidence in God might have reminded Oscar of his mother’s faith

Oscar mentioned in court how Reeva stirred his faith again (as he started doubting God after his mom’s death). He desired to be in a relationship with someone who is Christian. Oscar also mentioned how Reeva prayed for him and how they prayed together as well. It can be possible that Reeva’s character reminded Oscar of his mother and when you have met the very person with a character you have always desired, it’s very easy to be controlling and obsessive of that person. When you desperately have someone/something you have always desired, you do not ever want to lose that person. From the text conversations read, its believable Oscar might have been over protective over Reeva. There’s one thing about believing God, no one can do it for you. You need to know God for yourself. Oscar found trust in Reeva that his mother gave him and when he had found that, there was no way he was prepared to lose that again just as he lost his mother, and that might have got him very possessive.

 

·         He is human too

Before Oscar is a world known athlete; before he became a murderer, he is human. As humans, we mess up, a lot of times. What happened to Oscar, can also happen to me or you. One can never say never. It is by the grace of God that we are still not labelled murderers. Anger, not managed, will cause one to sin. I wouldn’t know as Oscar sits in court every day, what goes through his mind. I don’t believe that a normal person would decide to shoot someone. It is when a certain force or uncontrolled emotion of anger makes one act on their emotions and end up with a dead body in their house. As he sat in court for several days and today finally taking a stand, I feel for him. I believe that he cried and prayed for Reeva not to die when he realised he shot her, It is at that point I believe that’s when his mind sobered up and realised he just shot his beloved girl.

“Apologies do not repair the damage done by displays of anger or arrogance…Beware the perception that you show up and blow up”

When it’s too late to say sorry, when it’s too late to say a prayer for a dead body to wake up, when you remember all the times you were given a chance to develop your personal growth and character but never took the opportunity to do so. All we can do is pray for Reeva’s family to forgive. It’s hard to forgive, easy said than done. Forgiveness is a choice, you choose it every day, including the days when you are very angry and miss a loved one. I can never know what Reeva’s family is going through, all I can do is hope justice will be given and Oscar will be judged fairly.