In a relationship,don't sweat the small stuff

I have been found by an amazing man. He really is amazing to be crazy in love with me, Lol! Truly special. Nothing beats being loved back by someone you love. Someone who just loves showing you off! A man who is so sure and you don’t have to second guess if you’re in a relationship with this person or not. You are very assured where the end of this will be as intentions are crystal clear. Oh my! It’s clear hey?!…it’s clear that I have chosen! More than anything I am happy. Love is beautiful- and my B just makes love more colourful.

As much as it has been an interesting journey being in a relationship after being single for more than two years, it’s weird how one was now immune to being single. I would desire to be in a relationship one day, but I was used to being single and living my life. With B being in my life, and me being in his, as much as we are alike and believe in the same things, our opinions differ, we are still different and I have been learning not to sweat the small stuff!

Singlehood develops character. Makes you get to know what you love and don’t love, what are your deal breakers and deal makers in a relationship. More than anything, (which is never addressed) it makes you rough hey! Somehow you become a "rough-neck". You get so hard, you become superwoman that it’s hard for you to let someone do things for you. I remember how I used to have a problem with B opening the car door for me. The first time he did it, I was confused. In my mind I kept thinking “Am I somehow paralysed because I know how to open the door!” Every restaurant we went to, he pulls the chair for me to sit and if I order a drink in a can, he would open the can and pour the drink in a glass for me. I know he is a typical gentleman, but me being such a stone for so long, I had forgotten how a gentleman acts and for a while it bothered me because I am able to do these things for myself, I learned not to sweat the small stuff and to allow him to tenderise my heart to get softer and allow being treated like a queen.

The funniest is after being in an environment where people hide their relationships. You always assume if Tarzan and Jane are in a relationship, where it’s like a taboo to be in a relationship, and people don’t even hold hands but are always seen together. When you do ask, one is told they are still getting to know each other but in private spaces they hold hands and so forth. Being in such an environment, you end up being affected by it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very affectionate. My love language is definitely physical touch, but because I was influenced differently in my environment, I ended up doing as it’s done in it. I never had issues with B holding my hand or hugging me in public (I love it) until we were at church. In my mind, I kept telling myself (this is church, we can’t be holding hands and being all lovey dovey) but I had to renew my mind. Love is not a stigma. It’s out there for everyone to see and be inspired.

The challenging part is dying to self, being selfless and sacrificing. One of the pastors at church once said “If you do not want to be controlled, do not get married”, that is very true. Courtship is between two different individuals who their short term goal is to marry and long term continue to do life together, happily! I have learned also a relationship is not about me, me and me. As much as I desired this and that in a man, what I am bringing to the table is also important. Both parties need to give in 100 percent. I have learned not to make it a big deal when I am not asked how my day was because, as much as it’s good to be asked every day, that very day he really needs me to listen to how his day was. As much as I want a hug and be in the arms of my king, lol I’ve learned to die to self on days he really needs a hug from me. We have also learned to sacrifice our time for our relationship and to be supportive to each other’s visions that are being fused together.

Instead of telling him what I want, I had to learn to suggest. I remember one afternoon when I thought the flowers are being finalised, B said “Maybe we should try out other flowers as I might be allergic to the flowers we’ve chosen.” I asked him if hes allergic to these very chosen flowers, he said no hes not allergic but just in case, to try out other flowers. I realised that “the best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something.” As we plan through this, I need to suggest and make sure we do things together instead of sharing my vision regarding this event, forgetting it does not only represent me but us. Instead of being annoyed and flipping, I opened my mind to other types of flowers and colours.

 It’s hard not to sweat the small stuff but it’s more peaceful and selfless when you do not. Or I will be frustrated every day! I. Our opinions differ so much but I have learned to respect his opinion and I am glad as much we love each other, we are not afraid to differ with each other. Not in any way have I mastered not sweating the small staff, I still mess up but I guess the beautiful thing about love is choosing it every day and choosing to not sweat the small stuff.