Friendzone...a lighter term for rejection

Friendzone Defined: Refers to a platonic relationship where one person desires to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not; It refers to one individual in a friendship developing more intense feelings and wants to become “more than friends” with the other person. More often than not, the other person is unaware (so they say) of the friend’s desires and is quite happy with the friendship only arrangement.
One thing about having friends of the opposite gender is the fact that, the more time you spend with them, the easier it is to be attracted to them. I believe that your lover must be your friend, therefore my guy friends are potential boyfriends to me (Well, not all of them). Lately, I realised how most of my guy friends I know were friendzoned, laughing at them I didn’t know that I will sooner fall in the same trap. Now, not that I go around asking my guy friends out, but every woman loves getting attention and the more I got attention from a gentle brother, the more I saw him as potential and  I was attracted.

Now, it’s frustrating to like someone, it’s even worse as a woman to be attracted to a guy friend because all you have to do is wait like an old lady at the bus stop and “hope” he says the right words next time he sees you. What’s more frustrating is he might not ever say those words to you.
It’s easy to be friendzoned, one needs to be aware of the trap. These are some of the things that will get you friendzoned:
  • ·        You do everything for the person. You go to dates with them; you make them your partner at any event you are invited to; you take them for dinner; etc.
  • ·        (S)he is the only person you chat to most in all your friends. You even have late night chats.
  • ·        (S)he shares with you all his/her problems that (s)he ends up depending on you for solution and prayer.
  • ·        You are always available for them.
  • ·        You become their Oprah/ Steve Harvey. Always giving them advices, they use those advises to pursue someone else.

All the above will easily get you friendzoned by the person you were sure you are winning their heart by doing the above. See, one thing the Y-generation seems to do is, we play it safe. We enjoy the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship. Hence, it’s simple for a lady to be dined every weekend by different guy friends and still proclaim she did not mislead anyone! She was just hooking up with “him”. It’s also very simple for a guy to be giving attention to more than one lady and enjoy the benefits of a relationship, while the ladies are being emotionally attached. Guys love ladies who are available, they fall in love with the thought of having you as a girlfriend, but what’s really the point of being in a relationship with you if you are already giving him all those benefits.

I’m thankful for the two (brutally honest) guy friends I have in my life because they keep me in check. Every time I start getting excited and attracted to a guy, they force me to ask the relevant questions so that I know the truth now instead of being hurt later. That on its own might appear as if I’m proposing to a guy or I’m tjatjarag but the truth shall be told and will set me free.
How to know you have been friendzoned:
  • ·        You are told you like brother/sister to them.
  • ·        You are told they thank God for your life and may He bless you mightily.
  • ·        You are told what a great friend you are and how they still want you to be their friend. (Eeer, so you want your bread buttered on both sides?!Let your partner be your friend, you cannot have it all!)
  • ·        You are told how much you inspire them.
  • ·        They depend on you, like a sibling depends on their brother/sister.
  • ·        You are told how much they pray for you because God is going to bless you with an amazing partner. (I wanted you silly! don’t be telling me about other people.)

As much as we can laugh about this friendzone game and wish we don’t fall in that trap, being rejected is never a nice thing. It hurts a lot to think that you are not desired as a partner and the one you are attracted to does not see you that way at all. Such is life and we will experience heartache in this lifetime, but never allow life’s disappointments to discourage you. Never change yourself to be liked by someone. God designed you the way you are for He knew someone with your personality; beauty and character will be needed in this world for such a time as this. You are unique and wonderfully made, never ever allow someone’s disapproval to measure the value of how lovely you are! It’s their loss! Keep your head up!

“Often, out of our greatest rejection comes our greatest direction” Nicky Gumbel

“Never take rejection personal, it’s not personal. Not everyone is connected to your purpose, God knows who should be in your life and who should not. It’s not personal” Ps Pushie Watson


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